How to Spot the Signs of Bullying: A Guide for Parents and Teachers
Bullying affects a great many young people, but children with speech, language and communication needs, or with a learning disability, are significantly more likely to be targeted than their peers.
Research has found that children who stammer are around 61% more likely to be bullied, and a survey by Mencap found that eight out of ten children with a learning disability had been bullied at some point.
Those figures are upsetting, and bullying is hard to spot. Children often do not report it, because they feel ashamed or afraid, or because they do not want to be seen as a ‘tell tale’. This guide is here to help you recognise the signs and feel able to talk about it, whether you are a parent at home or a teacher in the classroom.
Spotting the signs of bullying
If you are concerned that a child may be being bullied, watch for:
- Bruises or marks on their body
- Broken or missing possessions
- Becoming withdrawn
- Changes in eating habits or behaviour
- Sleeping badly, or bed-wetting
- Complaining of headaches or stomach aches
- Worrying about going to school
- A sudden decline in how they are doing at school
Displaying some of these signs does not always mean a child is being bullied. Ask yourself whether something else could be upsetting them, or whether any major changes at home or at school might explain it.
Talking to your child about bullying
If you suspect bullying is behind your child’s anxiety, remember that not every child responds well to being questioned about it directly. It is often better to ask open questions about their day and how they are feeling, and to give them plenty of time and space to answer.
A few listening skills that help:
- Face your child. Appropriate eye contact shows you are interested in what they have to say.
- Do not interrupt. Only ask questions to clarify. The less you speak, the more they will.
- Listen for the tone, and the idea behind the words. Try reflecting back what you are sensing, or playing back what you have heard.
- Stay neutral. Try to listen without becoming visibly angry or upset yourself, however hard that is.
If your child is being bullied
Finding out that your child is being bullied is distressing, but how you respond next makes a real difference. Before you approach the school, write down the facts: what happened, who was involved, when it happened, who witnessed it, and whether it was a one-off or a pattern.
- Do not arrive at the school unannounced. Make an appointment.
- Work with the school rather than against it. Teachers are often the last to find out about bullying.
- Be patient. Give the school time to act, but stay in touch and follow up on how it is being resolved.
- If the situation does not improve, do not give up. Report every incident, and if you are not satisfied with the response, use the school’s formal complaints procedure and then escalate to the governing body or your local authority. The Anti-Bullying Alliance also publishes advice for families.
For teachers and SEN staff
Teachers are well placed to notice changes in a pupil’s daily behaviour, and are often the first adults outside the family to see them. The warning signs above apply equally in the classroom: physical evidence, sudden withdrawal, changes in eating, frequent headaches or stomach aches, visible anxiety about coming to school, or a sudden drop in academic performance.
If you suspect a pupil is being bullied, the same principle holds: rather than asking directly, ask open questions about their day, and use neutral listening. Face the pupil, do not interrupt, reflect back what you hear, and stay calm even when what you are hearing is not.
If a pupil does confirm they are being bullied, document the facts clearly before taking further action: what happened, who was involved, when, who witnessed it, and whether it was a single event or a series. That record is what allows school and family to work together systematically. Your Speech and Language Therapist can also advise on the best way to communicate with a pupil who has communication needs, which is often where these conversations stall.
Where to go next
If your child’s communication is part of why they are being targeted, support with communication is part of the answer. You can read about our work with children on the speech and language therapy for children page, and about our specialist stammering service.
Schools can find details of how we work across whole settings on the speech and language therapy in schools page.
If you are concerned, speak to your GP, who can refer you to your local NHS service, or contact us to be seen privately at enquiries@londonspeechtherapy.co.uk or on 020 3475 2189.
